Wanting more fun

I like being at nanny's. Its relaxing....but almost to point of being boring...not that I mind that in any way, shape or form.

Today was good though. Went op shopping...across a number of small towns of course cause its not like nanny's local town is a city...

It was good. Followed by a spot of fishing..or rather sitting on the bank with a line in the water. All in all a good day but I think I'd enjoy the time down here more if I wasn't so tired.

I enjoy spending time with my sister in law. She's one of those really happy people. Always laughing and having fun. Wish I was more like her. I'm trying but its not my natural personality. I'm working on it.

Wish my kids let me have more fun with them too. What aunty bernie gets away with in the name of fun  compared to me just confuses me. Last night I toppled Sam off the end of the bed as a random act. It was funny. Everyone laughed....cept Sam...if aunty bernie had toppled her, Sam would have seen the funny side too but nope...it was mum and therefore not funny. Rather it was another reason to be cranky...

All I want is for my teenagers to still have fun with me...and to generally just be happier rather than be the worrywarts I've helped to make them with my natural non fun personality!

Still at home sick

Was due to go back to work today but I knew yesterday it wasn't going happen...I was sick yesterday.... Still sick... but it was probably the first day that id fully stopped to "be" sick.  I couldn't stop and be sick when others needed me...

What with Sam also being sick, Drew needing to go to his Drs appt, and then the funeral for Brigid and a day to take her and Mary out somewhere. Be that good friend she has always been for me.

So little wonder that I'm still sick. Do feel better today; but still swollowing a prickly pear every 30 second or so . Back to drs I go as its either not clearing or I'm allergic to the antibiotics and that's what's causing the inflammation.

At Dr's....

Well I think I may just officially be the worse employee.

I'm always not there for one reason or the other. Mostly of course hubby and all his health issues, but every now and then a sprinkling of me being sick. I went in today, knowing full well I shouldn't be there and with the intention of putting a face in. Anyone could tell I shouldn't be there but the thing is that when you've had as much time off as I have you tend to want to prove that its legit.

Probably would have helped if I'd gone in Friday but with the running to and from  Dr's for hubby last Friday I figured it'd be easier for me. After all I have to stop being everything to everyone and start taking care of myself.

It also didnt help having to ask for this Friday off to attend a friend's family funeral. I have to be there to support my very best friend. How could I not. Such a shock that her brother passed and I'd like her to know that I'm there for her especially given she always is for me.

Next Friday off was a bad thing for work. We've got this big project where Friday was a big day. All hands on deck. Except now its me letting the team down again. Once again. Always me letting them down.

But its me letting work mates down or me letting my family and most loved down. If you were me I'm sure you choose as I have. To choose those who will be there in return when I need them.

Funny...a few months ago I may have felt guilt.... But not now...
I must have grown emotionally recently!!

All better

No not drew. Not quite yet.... So what's all better... Well after my mini meltdown I asked about withdrawing from the course.

On a days reflection it may have been an over reaction but the truth is I felt instantly better.

I plan to still do the work but in my own time without the pressure of submitting deadlines. Sure it will be harder to stay motivated but if I'm not motivated then.maybe I wasn't as keen as I first thought.

I guess some will look at it as I've quit... But I look at it as I've changed my goals.

Besides delaying allows time for drew to get better and settle back to the old normal....which is far more important to me anyway.

Life is way too short and I think I've finally realised I just need to relax and to do that I have to give myself a break.

What have I done?

You know, I don't mind Monday's like some people. Monday's really don't bother me. Ok. Yes. You have to go to work after the weekend on mondays but given I barely stop to relax on the weekends ,  thats no real problem.

My problem is stopping and relaxing!!

I need to get past that.  Desperately!!

I started this post on Monday...Of course now its Tuesday because my Monday went to shit......I started the PSM program. I don't know what I was thinking!!!

I don't think I really truly understood the amount of work involved. Everyone kept saying it was a lot, but I just didn't think it was beyond me.

Its not beyond me but do I want the workload. The 30+ hours of reading alone. The struggle to do the assignments. NO!!!!

But I do want the certificate. To finally say I did it. I got a uni degree. After years of saying Id do that, it will be worth it.... I think.

So if my problem is stopping and relaxing but I've taken on this workload....god help me.

Rollonin Cafe

The best times are with family!

After a wonderful week with Nanny we had to take her back. It was great having an extra set of hands helping out. So much more relaxed..even though I didn't get to spend much time with her myself. Too busy running kids all over the place.

What was great was being able to go to work without worrying if hubby was ok.

Kids loved having Nanny here too. She's a wonderful Nanny and they miss her heaps. It was perfect arrangement pity can't be longer!

The change over was at Bowning Rollonin Cafe.  thanks aunty Bernie for coming half way. We love spending the afternoon with you!