Attempting to Change my Outlook

yes it has been a few weeks. I'm still coughing and still not feeling the greatest. I've been keeping a low profile everywhere and my head has been so screwed up.... excuses I know but I also dont care. 

What to write about now I am here, I'm really not sure..... I cant or rather wont write publically about the things I've been thinking about..... the reason my head is so screwed up. Its too personal to share.

I would like to say on a completly unrelated track that Life sucks sometimes. Why is that the good people get the crappy things and the ones who make others peoples lives crap dont fair so badly?

I know its sounds like such a horrible thing to say but I think having cancer or something that can be treated and cured with treatment is far better than having a genetic thing that has no cure or a non self imposed condition that gets worse with time and can not be reversed.

Here I have been all screwed up in the head and in reality my crap is minor in comparison. It all non consequential compared to the battles that others face.

I'm trying to see some positives; but at this point - I just cant. I need too. I need to focus on the positives in life far more and lately I haven't been. I've been wasting my time on the negatives and they have overwhelmed me... comsumed me even. How do I change my nature. How do I turn a negative outlook on life into a positive one?

Life is way too short. Its time for me to change so I make the most of it.

The Star Sign Prediction

Do you ever read your star sign predictions?  I do - all the time. I love it. I think its a sag thing. I dont always take head and mostly I just read it and then promptly forget. Todays star sign prediction (one of many because I know they are all different and that's why they are ususally crap but anyway...) reads as follows:

..."it's important that you consciously move toward a more optimistic attitude. Put some effort into measuring your progress somehow. "

So. ok. Why did this strike a cord with me today? Well, its sunday morning. I got up and went for a walk - mainly because I was coughing and was concious of waking everyone up. On that walk - which was quite a long one actually, I was thinking exactly that. That I need to start recording the effort. I need too because lately my mental health has been low. Too much stress, too much to think about and too little me time. Its little wonder my health is starting to fail me.

In the last 3 weeks, I've hardly eaten, had only disturbed sleep - usually waking at 4 am and not being able to go back to sleep - had a cold sore that size of a barn, stomach cramps, felt like throwing up for three days straight whilst the other end going non stop and now I have the worst head cold in the history of the world with this dry annoying cough which is making my throat feel like someone is dragging broken bricks over it.

The only good thing is I've lost approximately 3 kgs! Trouble is I know it will find me again... Why is it that the things you want to lose tend to find you again and come back and the things you dont want to lose, tend to be the things that once lost they are lost forever?

Today I'm gratful for the ability to get up and go for a walk. For having three fantastic kids, and a husband that puts up with me... even in my low moments.

ho hum

I've been feeling so "ho Hum" the past few days. At work I'm busy enough but at home I find myself having to work at getting a conversation out of anyone. I just want to sit and talk - perferable an adult conversation and not about the kids, the house or things at work but it doesn't seem to be happening.

Its probably because I have no real interests outside of these things. I'm probably driving my poor husband crazy, trying desperately hard to create a conversation but he's your typical male - always in his cave.

* sigh*

its a pity this blog can not talk back!

Back at Work

Well, the alarm went off for me to get up and go to boxfit but....the new car needs to go to for a service this morning so that gets me off the hook. I do however really need to get into the boxfit mood!

Started back at work yesterday and that was interesting. I was there early, i can be earl on days where I dont have to get the kids out the door. Its nice and easy those days, just get up, shower, get dressed, have cuppa, go to work. It worked out well because it took me 3 1/2 hours just to get through all the emails in my inbox... and that was after I'd put on the "Out of office" so everyone knew I wasn't there! Lucky I have a good system of sorting out all the crap emails I dont even need to read and can just delete them.

I was officially advised that I would be moving over to the other section...A holiday and a change- not often you get that!

Back to work soon

Well. I never thought I'd say this but... I think I'm ready to go back to work. The time off has been sooooooooo good. I don't think I've ever had a holiday where I've sat around the house, doing not so much for quite as long as I've done not so much these holidays. In the past we've usually spent time down with the inlaws and doing not so much down there. But even that is not quite the same as doing not so much at home.

Maybe its the choice you have at home to do not so much. When you're somewhere else sitting around you don't have the choice to do nothing, there just isn't that much to do. Unless you are paying for a holiday somewhere where the sole purpose is to create experiences whilst you relax and take time out. Which if you look at it that way means you're not really taking time out your just changing the scenery and doing something different with your time.

Anyways, its been nice. Its been boring as well at times, but mostly just nice.

So I wonder what awaits me back at work? I do know I'll have alot on with my project ramping up to pilot stage. I think, I have it all in hand... but then again who knows. Most of the time I really dont know what's coming up until it hits me. I dont know what I dont know but I often get to thinking about the next bit, all confused and lost before I work it out. I'd ask more questions but for some reason I tend to hold back until I've worked it out a bit myself. I think this is a confidence thing too. I dont like to look stupid, I like to try to work it out myself, to be independant and show that I'm capable. Which I am - sometimes it just takes a lot longer doing it this way. And when I do ask questions its usually to clarify and question my own thinking anyway... which is not always on the mark.

I'll have to start getting up earlier, or at least start getting ready for the day rather than sitting down to a quiet cuppa, actually eating breakfast and taking my time to get in the shower and wake the kids. Oh and I'll have to think about a time limit for adding to the blog...I've discovered it takes me anywhere up to an hour to type my thoughts out. The blogs may have to become shorter... or be written at the end of the day.... They may become interesting OR they may just become a spot for downloading all the crap stuff that happens throughout the day. I'll need to make a conscious effort to make them positive.

I'll also have to get back to one of the supposed themes of this blog.. the weight loss journey that I keep talking about but need to actually start... Oh and by the way I accidentally broke my promise. The last boxfit class for this week was at 6 am this morning. I'm hopeless at getting up at that time unless I have someone depending on me to be there. Anyone interested in joining me in boxfit at 6 am in the morning??

Comments please people!

Hey you out there - yes you - the one looking at this and reading... I'm feeling unloved and you can help. Let me know that you are reading this and what you think. Either become a follower (but dont expect me to lead) or make a comment even if its under "anon".

Appreciate it muchly

Thanks

What to do with myself

These holidays I've made no real effort towards much at all. I'm thinking I've been real  unmotivated and lazy... but I also think that it's been so nice to not have to do anything much at all. I've had time to think about all the things I should be doing....

Our lives are so busy - running here, running there, doing this, doing that, helping with this thing then helping with that thing... and thats just the extra things we do in our home life. We both work full time in full on jobs, and we still need to run a household with all that that entails, its little wonder the garden beds need weeding and the yard needs a good tidy and the paint job I started a few months ago still needs to be finished.

I really don't feel that guilty. Its been nice to sit around the house and become bored. We rarely get that opportunity. This year I think I'll pull back.... where ever possible of course. I won't be helping out as much for the schools, I wont be helping out as much for the sporting clubs and I will be taking time out for my own leisure activities... I just have to find some. I've run around after the kids so much (for the past 13 yeas) I've neglected myself in this category and I cant really think of anything I'd like to do.

Seeing my hubby brought me a new camera a few months back, I'm going to do a course on how to use it properly... I orginally wanted the camera so I could do the Netball Clubs photos for the 2011 season... We'll see if I still put my hand up for that role, at this stage I'm undecided.

I will be doing the jump out of a perfectly good plane.... when I get around to booking it, which I need to do soon I suppose... I have to do this activity now, its on here and this IS about accountability. Although of late my posts don't really reflect the reason I started blogging...

I have to get back into the exercising. Hubby and I have been walking at night but this is more for him than me - in fact the short distance we go does not constiute my exercise requirements to lose that bit of weight. Boxfit started this week, but I haven't been to a class yet. I keep meaning too, I just haven't yet... but I will... before the week is out. I will. I promise!

.... now all I have to do is work out what other things I want to do....