Today I'm feeling let down and disappointed. Trouble is I really dont think there's any real reason for it. So what am I disappointed about?
My beautiful wonderful husband has wanted a new car for the most loose reasons possible. Rather than get the old one, (which gives us everything we NEED in a car), fixed for no more than it cost to buy, he's wanted to buy a new car for over 12 months. It keeps coming back to the same and after much discussion he's worn me down and I've agreed. I always agree to his wants, I always have... sometimes its eventually but I end up agreeing. I love him so I agree, what makes him happy would make me happy.
Trouble is I know from past experience that it will be short lived - until he wants the next thing. In the end we have ended up with a newish car that isn't going to meet all of our needs. I'm waiting for him to want to go fishing and try to fit the fishing rods in....and I wonder if he's thought about all the times he's taken an extra child to a sporting event. Sorry in advance but that is no longer possible - we won't have enough seats.
He's right though. Why would we pay for the convenience of transporting others kids around.... because we are nice people. But I know that that isn't a good enough reason. It's just me always wanting to be a nice person, a good mum who is always willing to help others, and let the kids have special times with their friends. I think I'm compensating for my own childhood.
I've wanted a new house for more than 5 years on and off. The kids are getting bigger. They need their own space, and the family needs more space to just relax rather than all crammed in together - its little wonder we retreat into ourselves here. There's no where big enough for us all to sit together. I looked at getting an extension but my hubby decided he didn't like it. I've looked at a million houses and every one he finds something wrong. He's eventually come round but now that we have a newish car to pay for I dont want the added cost of a bigger mortgage. I like having some disposable income.
I have an ideal of the perfect family, the perfect life. I never had it growing up but I want it for my kids. I guess when it comes down to it I'm disappointed because I know the ideal I have in my mind is so far from reality in todays times that its impossible to think I even constructed it. The perfect family has it all, the new car and the house big enough for all, they go places and do everything together, and to boot they have the finances to buy what they want when they want. I know my ideal does not exist for anyone but I do think others are far closer to it than we are. I basically feel we are never going to get anywhere. It will be one want to the next and the bills will keep coming in and I'll never pay the house off.
I'd like to get to the point where I don't have to worry about finances and just live life to the fullest. I'm a born worrier, but that's got me to where I am today. I'm the practical one, the one who thinks things through to make sure its the right decision and every aspect is considered before we jump. Why is it I cant be more like my husband? He's so cool, calm and collected on the outside. He never appears to have a care in the world. He dosen't need to worry - I do it for us both.
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